I recently attended a workshop at a Women’s festival that activated me to my core. I felt incredibly uncomfortable during and left the one hour experience feeling heated and trying to find the words to articulate exactly why I felt so impacted. This response was unexpected and I recognise it as significant. I reflected to a confidant that I haven’t experienced this type of dangerous, unsafe and manipulative facilitation for a very long time. I’ve been sitting with it since and am grateful for what it has stirred. I’ve chosen to see it as an opportunity to gain further clarity in my own practice and direction moving forward.
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I take the responsibility of being a facilitator - a sacred space holder, a guide of process and journey for others - incredibly seriously.
Since first stepping into the spiritual self-development arena as a wide-eyed somewhat naive young women back then, who was longing for answers and guidance, I have both witnessed and experienced the many ways in which one can HAND THEIR POWER OVER.
For years I know I was searching outside of myself for help: going to readings, attending workshops, signing up for courses. Along the way I’ve seen people in these spaces who are all too willing to take advantage of another. Who will tell you - project onto you - their beliefs and frame things in a way which set it up so that they and they alone hold the one and only key and answer. I’ve seen facilitators who hone in on opening people up to have big explosive experiences, and then not be there to support integration for their participants or provide aftercare: who fail to teach resourcing and regulation practices. Where safety isn’t set up for contained exploration or where the container is leaky. It is the main reason that I was hesitant for years to step into the space of facilitation because of the type of care and consideration it takes. It is a huge responsibility.
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I am a curious inquisitive and self-reflective person who is always going to be wanting to continue a path of learning and growth, however strengthening my discernment and boundaries is where it is at. Admittedly, perhaps it was because of these experiences where I felt manipulated and powerless, that I forged on in trial and error until I found the modalities and avenues that supported me to reconnect and return to my own truth and find the resources and guidance within myself. Don’t get me wrong, I have been lucky enough to also find practitioners and mentors who offered me safety: where the agency has been with me and have passed on the skills and encouragement to remember my own power to guide my healing.
After this recent experience with the workshop facilitator who displayed dangerous unsafe and manipulative approach in engaging their audience, I journaled about my experience and named all the things that didn’t sit right with me.
In writing this piece now, instead of writing all the things I don’t believe in - I am instead going to use it as an opportunity to get really arrow clear on my own ethos as a facilitator and the sacred agreements that underpin my approach.
These are both as a workshop facilitator with multiple participants and as a one on one therapist:
First and foremost - the client / participant holds the agency. They have full power and choice to partake in the experience as they like, to be guided by their internal compass, to say no, to pause or change the process. To take inspiration from my facilitated prompts or suggestions and make it what they wish to instead - being led by their own body and what their current wants and needs are. This is client-centred. Everything I suggest is invitational not directional.
I am a facilitator, a collaborator to their experience. I can offer inspiration with the facilitation. I can design experiences and processes but at all times I am tracking with the client/participants to see how they are engaging and responding. I in turn adapt and tailor as needed to best support their experience and what is rising for them.
I believe in resourcing. Safety is all relative and our best hope is we can hold good intention and attempt to co-create a safe space within the therapeutic relationship and/or the collective workshop experience with others. This is done through agreements, stating values and guidelines. As the space holder, I consider prior and during the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual elements of safety for everyone. I believe in setting up the space by resourcing individuals with body and breath techniques to anchor, to return to and to utilise as and when they feel they need. I consider safety in the flow of the process and setting up the opening and closing of our time together - with a key focus on integration, and aftercare. What state are they in to close out our time together and how can they consider their next bit of time to care for self post out session and into their daily life.
This is something we can educate in terms of self-regulation and resourcing, but also something that comes back to everyones self-responsibility: to learn to be in the space as they need, listen to their bodies, grow their self-awareness and convictions to follow their intuition.
My approach is open curiosity - asking curious enquiring questions and working with what is current and presenting. There is no judgment in what comes up, all feelings are welcome, and coming from a compassionate lens of non-judgment.
People want to be seen, witnessed, acknowledged, validated - to not feel alone in their experiences. To be supported to feel what is there and move gently through the resistance or old habits/coping mechanisms.
The core through line of all my work is being there to remind and support each individual of their own intuitive wisdom and be resourced to learn how their body is communicating with them, a deep listening exchange with themselves, and having the capacity to tap into this wisdom and be in partnership with all parts of themselves. Feeling confident in being able to listen to, understand, trust in and follow their intuitive wisdom.
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